boy, allone I don't know what to do with myself

It is nice to be this new person that I am, and I enjoy to meet all new people, drink heaps of alcohol, and party all night long.
Anyway, the downside is that right now, I just want to go out, talk, dance, drink, and I don't find anyone that wants to do it with me. They all want to do an easy night....

...and I can't get that girl of my head, and I know that I should play it cool, but I honestly can not.... .....she has a grip on me, and the cooler and more reserved she is, the more I crave for her.... ...and I think she knows it.

Anyway, I thought I would go out and party AND MEET NEW GIRLS EVERY NIGHT, and now I start to fall for one, and only one girl.....

Well, I guess, I will see how it turns out.

She likes me, but she is also afraid that I will use her only as a vehicle to get over my ex-girlfriend. And since I feel pretty numb about my ex, since I expect a lot of emotions but don't have them, I am myself afraid that I might not be over her. I mean it is over over, but I didn't do any "Trauerarbeit" - any work to get over this.

On the other hand I have not felt this good in ages, and I don't want to have a sad phase, because I realy enjoy my life right now.

Anyway, I see myself that I write some confusing stuff, but that is probably how it is in my head now.