It is nice to be this new person that I am, and I enjoy to meet all new people, drink heaps of alcohol, and party all night long.
Anyway, the downside is that right now, I just want to go out, talk, dance, drink, and I don't find anyone that wants to do it with me. They all want to do an easy night....
...and I can't get that girl of my head, and I know that I should play it cool, but I honestly can not.... .....she has a grip on me, and the cooler and more reserved she is, the more I crave for her.... ...and I think she knows it.
Anyway, I thought I would go out and party AND MEET NEW GIRLS EVERY NIGHT, and now I start to fall for one, and only one girl.....
Well, I guess, I will see how it turns out.
She likes me, but she is also afraid that I will use her only as a vehicle to get over my ex-girlfriend. And since I feel pretty numb about my ex, since I expect a lot of emotions but don't have them, I am myself afraid that I might not be over her. I mean it is over over, but I didn't do any "Trauerarbeit" - any work to get over this.
On the other hand I have not felt this good in ages, and I don't want to have a sad phase, because I realy enjoy my life right now.
Anyway, I see myself that I write some confusing stuff, but that is probably how it is in my head now.
Mittwoch, 4. Juli 2007
Dienstag, 3. Juli 2007
dog day
Well well well, I went out yesterday, as I wrote, and came home at 2 in the morning.
Slept 5 or 6 hours, and worked the whole day.
I did not work well today, I was just to tired, and I went to meet Macris, a friend of mine later. We had some beers, went to eat some nice asian food, and talked a bit.
At home, I just called my mom, and later my brother, and just talked about me, basicly because I knew that there was no message from Franziska, the beautyful girl I fell for, and I just wanted to keep my mind occupied.
Now I just went to the internet, checked, saw that there was no mail, and now I just write out of shere frustration in this blog.
Will go to bed soon, and maybe write something useful in the morning!
Peace out!
Slept 5 or 6 hours, and worked the whole day.
I did not work well today, I was just to tired, and I went to meet Macris, a friend of mine later. We had some beers, went to eat some nice asian food, and talked a bit.
At home, I just called my mom, and later my brother, and just talked about me, basicly because I knew that there was no message from Franziska, the beautyful girl I fell for, and I just wanted to keep my mind occupied.
Now I just went to the internet, checked, saw that there was no mail, and now I just write out of shere frustration in this blog.
Will go to bed soon, and maybe write something useful in the morning!
Peace out!
Montag, 2. Juli 2007
the date...
man, I was so nervous when I went to that date...
I realy like that girl, and that she wants to meet me again, even though she has a boyfriend, well, it tells me that I am still in the game - as the players call it.
Anyway, I went today, met her in some big bar, around 7:30 pm...
And my, I was so nervous. I didn't know what to tell, didn't know what to talk about. It is so funny that all the sudden, all the smalltalk dries out. It like a section of your brane shuts down, leaving a "out of order"-sighn outside, and no directions to a substitute.
Anyway, I hated that bar. I mean, it is a nice bar and all, and even though they brought us a different beer than the one we orderd, I can not say a lot of bad things about that bar. It was ok. But I hated it, because I was not comfortable myself.
After we finished that first beer, and after I had taled about all sorts of garbage, just no importand toppic, I asked her if we could leave the bar.
It was fine with her, and so we went (because it is her neighbourhood) to a bar she recomended. It is the longest days of the years right now, and so we went through a big park, took a short look at a realy empty bar she liked (but not empty of course) and setteld at a bar called "MIR" - like the russian spacestation.
Nice bar. I orderd some beer for the both of us, and we started talking. Not the nonsens from the other bar, serious stuff.
She likes to spy on me. To spy on my thoughts. I have to be carefull not to reveal to much about myself to her, because she does not like to give to much in return.
Well, finaly I made her talk about herself. After I made her some pretty serious compliments. After I told her that when she asked me for my email per SMS (and I knew that she would tell me that there is someone) I went to sport, did a big big big workout, so when I would come back, I would not hate the mail so much she would send.
Anyway, at some point we talked about her.
Nice talk. Tough woman.
Anyway, she told me about the guy she is with right now.
Told me he was a cook, and a cocain-addict.
Now, I hate cocain-addicts, because I have only met ashole personalitys on cocain.
I also know that a cook is a competition that is pretty tough to beat with woman, even "I work in TV" does not level up to that.
So I let her talk and all, and I learnd from her that he might cook pretty good, but he is no cook. He works in a kittchen, but that is all.
You see, there is a sort of german kind of pizza, called "Flammkuchen". Basicly it is a pizza without tomatosauce. Anyway, he works in a restaurant, and his job is to prepare exactly this "pizza". Nothing more. So, from "chef of a kitchen" he went to "pizza-cook". Not so high up there anymore.
Anyway, she gave me some good oportunitys to make a joke about him (or two), and even tough I thought I would never be able to pull it off, I actualy DID TELL HER: "Drop that zero and get with the hero!"
I expected a instant slap, but instead she laughet!!!!
I knew then that there was something possible for me.
Anyway, I made her lots of compliments, and she did not reject one of them.... and in the end we kissed.
Not the passionate kiss, the "I want you now, on that table, and I dont care what others think" - kind of kiss.... ...because she felt guilty about her pizza-guy.
She told me to call her in two months, to go out and meet woman, to get back to her when I had my fun... ...I told her I would not be "lowered expectaions" or second choice for her.
I mean, if I get this woman, I want her because of my own power, not because some cocain-pizza-dude fucked up... NEVER!
Anyway, we kissed a bit, I drove her home in a cab, and we kissed some more in front of her door. Gentleman that I am, I didn't went up with her.... not that she would have let me in the first place, but it was good that she didn't have to say "NO".
Anyway, I got more from her this evening than I ever expected, and I only wrote half the stuff down that happend....
OK OK, I didn't hide anything big from you all.... don't wory!!
Anyway, I will keep you updated!
so long
I realy like that girl, and that she wants to meet me again, even though she has a boyfriend, well, it tells me that I am still in the game - as the players call it.
Anyway, I went today, met her in some big bar, around 7:30 pm...
And my, I was so nervous. I didn't know what to tell, didn't know what to talk about. It is so funny that all the sudden, all the smalltalk dries out. It like a section of your brane shuts down, leaving a "out of order"-sighn outside, and no directions to a substitute.
Anyway, I hated that bar. I mean, it is a nice bar and all, and even though they brought us a different beer than the one we orderd, I can not say a lot of bad things about that bar. It was ok. But I hated it, because I was not comfortable myself.
After we finished that first beer, and after I had taled about all sorts of garbage, just no importand toppic, I asked her if we could leave the bar.
It was fine with her, and so we went (because it is her neighbourhood) to a bar she recomended. It is the longest days of the years right now, and so we went through a big park, took a short look at a realy empty bar she liked (but not empty of course) and setteld at a bar called "MIR" - like the russian spacestation.
Nice bar. I orderd some beer for the both of us, and we started talking. Not the nonsens from the other bar, serious stuff.
She likes to spy on me. To spy on my thoughts. I have to be carefull not to reveal to much about myself to her, because she does not like to give to much in return.
Well, finaly I made her talk about herself. After I made her some pretty serious compliments. After I told her that when she asked me for my email per SMS (and I knew that she would tell me that there is someone) I went to sport, did a big big big workout, so when I would come back, I would not hate the mail so much she would send.
Anyway, at some point we talked about her.
Nice talk. Tough woman.
Anyway, she told me about the guy she is with right now.
Told me he was a cook, and a cocain-addict.
Now, I hate cocain-addicts, because I have only met ashole personalitys on cocain.
I also know that a cook is a competition that is pretty tough to beat with woman, even "I work in TV" does not level up to that.
So I let her talk and all, and I learnd from her that he might cook pretty good, but he is no cook. He works in a kittchen, but that is all.
You see, there is a sort of german kind of pizza, called "Flammkuchen". Basicly it is a pizza without tomatosauce. Anyway, he works in a restaurant, and his job is to prepare exactly this "pizza". Nothing more. So, from "chef of a kitchen" he went to "pizza-cook". Not so high up there anymore.
Anyway, she gave me some good oportunitys to make a joke about him (or two), and even tough I thought I would never be able to pull it off, I actualy DID TELL HER: "Drop that zero and get with the hero!"
I expected a instant slap, but instead she laughet!!!!
I knew then that there was something possible for me.
Anyway, I made her lots of compliments, and she did not reject one of them.... and in the end we kissed.
Not the passionate kiss, the "I want you now, on that table, and I dont care what others think" - kind of kiss.... ...because she felt guilty about her pizza-guy.
She told me to call her in two months, to go out and meet woman, to get back to her when I had my fun... ...I told her I would not be "lowered expectaions" or second choice for her.
I mean, if I get this woman, I want her because of my own power, not because some cocain-pizza-dude fucked up... NEVER!
Anyway, we kissed a bit, I drove her home in a cab, and we kissed some more in front of her door. Gentleman that I am, I didn't went up with her.... not that she would have let me in the first place, but it was good that she didn't have to say "NO".
Anyway, I got more from her this evening than I ever expected, and I only wrote half the stuff down that happend....
OK OK, I didn't hide anything big from you all.... don't wory!!
Anyway, I will keep you updated!
so long
Again a date
See, I had a terrible Saturday. All hungover, I just spended it in bed. Didn't think about that girl I got a crush on, because there was not a lot of thinking possible in my head.
Anyway, around 8 a friend from work called and I went there, helped him setting up his TV - he just moved. So I had my first beer there, and a second and so on, so I came home around 1 or 2, not calling or sending Franzi an SMS...
Sunday I slept long again, and then had to go to work. So I worked from 11:30 until 17:00, and then went to my brother and his wife, it was her birthday. My father and his ex also showed up (don't ask about their relationship, its all weird and stuff), and I was there until they left again... then my Ex called my brother.... She just called to say by to them, and that hit me like a truck, because it finaly became all real and final.
I couldn`t help it, I cried. Couldn't help it.
So my brother took me, and we took a long walk. He is right, it just helps to walk, move foreward. We had a great talk, and then he asked me for my cellphone, to call his wife, tell her he is on his way back. It was then that I discoverd a SMS of Franzi, she asking me how my work was...
Man, I had not hoped for that, but I guess not sending any sighn of life to her for 2 days increased my chances quite a bit....
Anyway, I went home with my car and then wrote her back, and we exchanged messages for a while, finaly I asked her out again, she said yes.
So she told me she would call me today, and she just did...
I will meet her at 7:30 pm in a bar in her neigbourhood, and we will see how it goes. Maybe I can be the hero, and she will drop that zero... ...even though, now that I think about it, I will probably not tell her that... I do have my doubts that it ever worked, even for Vanilla Ice...
so, I will keep you updated....
Anyway, around 8 a friend from work called and I went there, helped him setting up his TV - he just moved. So I had my first beer there, and a second and so on, so I came home around 1 or 2, not calling or sending Franzi an SMS...
Sunday I slept long again, and then had to go to work. So I worked from 11:30 until 17:00, and then went to my brother and his wife, it was her birthday. My father and his ex also showed up (don't ask about their relationship, its all weird and stuff), and I was there until they left again... then my Ex called my brother.... She just called to say by to them, and that hit me like a truck, because it finaly became all real and final.
I couldn`t help it, I cried. Couldn't help it.
So my brother took me, and we took a long walk. He is right, it just helps to walk, move foreward. We had a great talk, and then he asked me for my cellphone, to call his wife, tell her he is on his way back. It was then that I discoverd a SMS of Franzi, she asking me how my work was...
Man, I had not hoped for that, but I guess not sending any sighn of life to her for 2 days increased my chances quite a bit....
Anyway, I went home with my car and then wrote her back, and we exchanged messages for a while, finaly I asked her out again, she said yes.
So she told me she would call me today, and she just did...
I will meet her at 7:30 pm in a bar in her neigbourhood, and we will see how it goes. Maybe I can be the hero, and she will drop that zero... ...even though, now that I think about it, I will probably not tell her that... I do have my doubts that it ever worked, even for Vanilla Ice...
so, I will keep you updated....
Sonntag, 1. Juli 2007
"Drop that Zero and get with the Hero"
You all remember Vanílla Ice? That guy that made "Ice Ice Baby"? You know, he was all cool back then in the 90s, with his fast motocycle, and his day-glow-shirts. Anyway, besides playing himself in "Turtles 3" he made a movie about a guy that is pretty much the same as him. So he made a movie about himself.
Anyway, its one of the worst movies ever made, seriously! It's up (or better: down) there with "Crossroads" (Britney Spears) and "Glitter" (Maria Cary), a typical "we make a movie with a star about him sort of" - movie.
But in that movie, Vanilla Ice made a great comment. Turning to a girl that is engaged with someone else, he tells her "Yo, drop that zero and get with the hero"!
And I thought, even though it is one of the cheasiest things one can say to a woman, it is so cheasy that it is cool.
Vanilla Ice ment it dead-seriously in that movie, but if you put just enough sarcasm in your voice, it's one of the coolest things to say.....
...well, maybe not, but I will see if I get a chance to use it with that beautyful girl that just told me she met someone 3 weeks ago...
anyway, as you can see, I stil think about her...
Anyway, its one of the worst movies ever made, seriously! It's up (or better: down) there with "Crossroads" (Britney Spears) and "Glitter" (Maria Cary), a typical "we make a movie with a star about him sort of" - movie.
But in that movie, Vanilla Ice made a great comment. Turning to a girl that is engaged with someone else, he tells her "Yo, drop that zero and get with the hero"!
And I thought, even though it is one of the cheasiest things one can say to a woman, it is so cheasy that it is cool.
Vanilla Ice ment it dead-seriously in that movie, but if you put just enough sarcasm in your voice, it's one of the coolest things to say.....
...well, maybe not, but I will see if I get a chance to use it with that beautyful girl that just told me she met someone 3 weeks ago...
anyway, as you can see, I stil think about her...
Samstag, 30. Juni 2007
What happend...
So after that great email from this girl I got a crush on, I got ready to go out. Took my new black shirt, my dark green Pants, shaved, put on the black leather shoes, a drop of scent on my neck, and of I went. I was on my way to meet a friend, in a weird bar that we both go from time to time.
I was on my way to the Subway, and my cell rang. It was my Ex. All pissed she told me "You are an anhole! How could you! 3 days and 2 girls already? What am I to think of you?"
I totaly was not prepaired to anny conversation like that, and I didn't know what to replie, honestly...
She was all pissed, about that I meet other woman, and all. I didn't get defensive, I didnt try to justify my actions, to put the blame on her or anything. I realized that I knew that I didn't do the gentelman-thing and all. That I was behaving like a bit of an asshole and all. But that I don't feel sory for my actions. That I felt more anlive and free than in any of the last 3 or 4 years. I like it to get drunk with friends, to flirt with beautyful woman, to dance, drink ant talk. I like it a lot, and I rediscover this world right now. And I don't want to feel guilty about it. And I don't.
So I didn't justify my actions, and I realized that I am quite a bit of a step ahead of her in terms of our relationship. She kind of fought still for it, I didn't. I had enough of it, and I didn't want what was before anymore.
So I went out, and got very very drunk, slept on the couch of a friend of mine, and came home at 3 p.m.
Slept another 5 hours, then went out to meet some guys from work, and try to see if the beer still tastes. It does, and I had 4 more.
I go to bed now, gotta work tomorow at 11:30 am....
I was on my way to the Subway, and my cell rang. It was my Ex. All pissed she told me "You are an anhole! How could you! 3 days and 2 girls already? What am I to think of you?"
I totaly was not prepaired to anny conversation like that, and I didn't know what to replie, honestly...
She was all pissed, about that I meet other woman, and all. I didn't get defensive, I didnt try to justify my actions, to put the blame on her or anything. I realized that I knew that I didn't do the gentelman-thing and all. That I was behaving like a bit of an asshole and all. But that I don't feel sory for my actions. That I felt more anlive and free than in any of the last 3 or 4 years. I like it to get drunk with friends, to flirt with beautyful woman, to dance, drink ant talk. I like it a lot, and I rediscover this world right now. And I don't want to feel guilty about it. And I don't.
So I didn't justify my actions, and I realized that I am quite a bit of a step ahead of her in terms of our relationship. She kind of fought still for it, I didn't. I had enough of it, and I didn't want what was before anymore.
So I went out, and got very very drunk, slept on the couch of a friend of mine, and came home at 3 p.m.
Slept another 5 hours, then went out to meet some guys from work, and try to see if the beer still tastes. It does, and I had 4 more.
I go to bed now, gotta work tomorow at 11:30 am....
Freitag, 29. Juni 2007
Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck
Now, I told you about that cool and pretty girl I got that crush on....
now, as I wrote, I went out with her, and we had a great evening.
And I keep thinking about her.
And all that.
Now totay she wrote me an email.
Here is what she wrote:
"Just wantet to tell you that I had a great time with you that evening.
But I have to tell you that I missed the pmoment that evening to tell you something important. That I met someone 3 week ago, and that there is something developing between us....
Now I feel like shit, because I sould have told you before.
But as I said, I missed the moment, and later I was too drunk.
Hm
The thing is, I thing we get along great, and I would like us to meet again - in all friendship.
Tell me what you think about it, if you will still talk with me....
I am sorry
Franzi"
So my first thought was
Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck
Why does it have to happen to me?
so here is what I wrote her back:
"What can I say... Shit?
Why does it have to be that the interesting woman has to take herself out of the game right away?
Gotta think about it, had some hopes of some sort
Well, I bet that guy is a total jerk. And boring. I bet.
I mean, of course I would love to meet you again, but the friendship-part sucks."
Anyway, just wrote that, and send it to her, I don't know if I get an answer. I don"t want to be the "lowert expectation"-guy for her, that she can turn to when the other guy seems to not be as cool as she thought... ...I want to be the guy that crushes the other one, that is so much cooler and better and all that she dropes him like a hot potato.
But darn, that guy got a 3 week head start, and she already fell for him....
I guess I just have to get drunk like good old Bukowski....
and get over it.......
now, as I wrote, I went out with her, and we had a great evening.
And I keep thinking about her.
And all that.
Now totay she wrote me an email.
Here is what she wrote:
"Just wantet to tell you that I had a great time with you that evening.
But I have to tell you that I missed the pmoment that evening to tell you something important. That I met someone 3 week ago, and that there is something developing between us....
Now I feel like shit, because I sould have told you before.
But as I said, I missed the moment, and later I was too drunk.
Hm
The thing is, I thing we get along great, and I would like us to meet again - in all friendship.
Tell me what you think about it, if you will still talk with me....
I am sorry
Franzi"
So my first thought was
Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck
Why does it have to happen to me?
so here is what I wrote her back:
"What can I say... Shit?
Why does it have to be that the interesting woman has to take herself out of the game right away?
Gotta think about it, had some hopes of some sort
Well, I bet that guy is a total jerk. And boring. I bet.
I mean, of course I would love to meet you again, but the friendship-part sucks."
Anyway, just wrote that, and send it to her, I don't know if I get an answer. I don"t want to be the "lowert expectation"-guy for her, that she can turn to when the other guy seems to not be as cool as she thought... ...I want to be the guy that crushes the other one, that is so much cooler and better and all that she dropes him like a hot potato.
But darn, that guy got a 3 week head start, and she already fell for him....
I guess I just have to get drunk like good old Bukowski....
and get over it.......
Donnerstag, 28. Juni 2007
I just can't get you out of my head
girl your loving is all I think about
I just can't get you out of my head
girl it's more than I dare to think about
LALALA LALALALALA LALALA
and so on....
anyway, I woke up at 8 am this morning, thinking about that girl. When can I call her, and when can I meet her. I don't want to seem psycho or anything, don't want to seem as desperate as I am....
I gotta play it like a player as well, but that has always been hard for me.
For now, I will just use all the free time and clean the flat, and listen to the new recort of Amy Winehouse that I bought yesterday.
Here is Amy Winehouse, and if you don't know her yet, be shure to check her out!
She is great!
Amy Winehouse
I just can't get you out of my head
girl it's more than I dare to think about
LALALA LALALALALA LALALA
and so on....
anyway, I woke up at 8 am this morning, thinking about that girl. When can I call her, and when can I meet her. I don't want to seem psycho or anything, don't want to seem as desperate as I am....
I gotta play it like a player as well, but that has always been hard for me.
For now, I will just use all the free time and clean the flat, and listen to the new recort of Amy Winehouse that I bought yesterday.
Here is Amy Winehouse, and if you don't know her yet, be shure to check her out!
She is great!
Amy Winehouse
she playes it tough
I slept all weird today.... woke up at 6, took a shower, and realized that I was still a bit drunk. Went to bed and couldnt sleep. Man, I was thinking the whole time about that girl.
Hell, I didn`t want to seem so desperate, so I didn't write her any SMS until just now, 2 pm.
I seriously know the best pizza-place in Berlin, and I asked if she would care for some....
And damm, no, she got no time today. I mean, I am shure she has, but she plays hard to get. I know that, and I see that game, but what can I say... it works on me. Now I keep thinking about her the whole day, try to keep my self from writing her more messages, try to bock her out of my thoughts, but its so damm hard to do that.
I gotta go to sport or something like that, gotta find a way to liberate all that testosteron that I bild up.....
probably the thing to do..............
darn!
Hell, I didn`t want to seem so desperate, so I didn't write her any SMS until just now, 2 pm.
I seriously know the best pizza-place in Berlin, and I asked if she would care for some....
And damm, no, she got no time today. I mean, I am shure she has, but she plays hard to get. I know that, and I see that game, but what can I say... it works on me. Now I keep thinking about her the whole day, try to keep my self from writing her more messages, try to bock her out of my thoughts, but its so damm hard to do that.
I gotta go to sport or something like that, gotta find a way to liberate all that testosteron that I bild up.....
probably the thing to do..............
darn!
Mittwoch, 27. Juni 2007
...,so I went out
So I went out. I went out with Franzi, that beautiful tall blond beautiful beautiftul girl. She is as tall as I am, all firm, but no skinny. She is tough in her body, and though in flirting. It took me almost 5 hours, and pretty much the same amount of drinks to get her to kiss me. She finaly did, in the third bar we went to. That was some irish pup, the band played Rolling Stones and some CCR, and she danced a lot with me. When finaly she started to dance close, the band anounced that this would be their last song. I had to pay them a whiskey (took the cheapest one there was) EACH so they would play some more. Thank god it was a 3-guys band.
Thank god that after "IIIIIIIII Waaaaaaaaanaaa faaaaaaal in looooooooove, with youuuuuu" from I think Chris Isaak or someting like that she finaly kissed me. I know she likes me, and I know that she is atracted to me. But she plays it like a player, always that sadistic smile around the corners of her mouth when I try to kiss her. She likes me, but she likes to play with me.
Fair enough, right now I like to be played with.
Gonna call her tomorow, see how things are. We kissed a bit tonight, lets see how everything is after the alcohol left our bodys.....
.....what a great girl, realy would love to know her better......
Thank god that after "IIIIIIIII Waaaaaaaaanaaa faaaaaaal in looooooooove, with youuuuuu" from I think Chris Isaak or someting like that she finaly kissed me. I know she likes me, and I know that she is atracted to me. But she plays it like a player, always that sadistic smile around the corners of her mouth when I try to kiss her. She likes me, but she likes to play with me.
Fair enough, right now I like to be played with.
Gonna call her tomorow, see how things are. We kissed a bit tonight, lets see how everything is after the alcohol left our bodys.....
.....what a great girl, realy would love to know her better......
First date no score
So I met that syrian girl again today. We went to some café and talked for about 3 hours. It was quite clear from the start that I would not get into her pants today or any day soon, but she was an interesting enough person to just spend time with her nevertheless. Learn a lot about Syria, and I got an offer from her to visist her there... ...might just do that, because that city Damaskus is one of the oldes citys in the world, and I would never go there if I would not know anyone... ....just too different the culture, and I wouldn't know what to do there, what is safe and what not...
Anyway, so I had an interesting conversation, and even though I did not get lucky with her, I discoverd a interesting and intelligent person... ....and it showed me what I might want to become myself one day (soon).
I do have another date tonight, and this time I realy want to get lucky. Man, that woman is pretty, that woman is beautyful, and after that final breakup-phonecall from my ex yesterday, I don't even have a guilty contiousness.
Well, I will let you know.....
Anyway, so I had an interesting conversation, and even though I did not get lucky with her, I discoverd a interesting and intelligent person... ....and it showed me what I might want to become myself one day (soon).
I do have another date tonight, and this time I realy want to get lucky. Man, that woman is pretty, that woman is beautyful, and after that final breakup-phonecall from my ex yesterday, I don't even have a guilty contiousness.
Well, I will let you know.....
Dienstag, 26. Juni 2007
its all over now, baby blue
So instead of meeting that syrian girl (she has to work late, but maybe we met for a coffee tomorow) my ex-girlfriend called me. She asked me straight to my face if I met someone. I sad (like any man) NO. We talked a bit, and she ased me some pretty straight questions, which I did not answer well. I realized that I dont care for her as much as I used to, and that I lost my trust in her. She told me that all the "I want to get a baby with you"-stuff was some sort of psycho-test, and that she just wanted to find out if I would have a future with her. Well, my thought was that even if we would have had a future, with a test like this you make pretty shure that that future breaks. No wonder I feel like I am betrayed.
Anyway, she said that she was going to sort everything out, to go for it and all, but that now after my response she doesnt want anymore.
So the breakup is final.
I guess
At least I am going to my dates as a true singel, not betraying anyone now.
Still feel like an ashole.....
Anyway, she said that she was going to sort everything out, to go for it and all, but that now after my response she doesnt want anymore.
So the breakup is final.
I guess
At least I am going to my dates as a true singel, not betraying anyone now.
Still feel like an ashole.....
an email
Ha! She wrote me a mail, asking me to meet!
That Syrian girl! Just found her mail in my Spam-filter! Man, she was not trying to sell penis-enlargement-pills or ViARg Ra CHeAp or anything!
She asked me to meet her when I have free time, so tonight I might just get a date! Got one tomorow already with another girl that I realy like, but lets see how things work out.
Wrote her an SMS, still waiting for the answer from that syrian girl!
Back in the game
That Syrian girl! Just found her mail in my Spam-filter! Man, she was not trying to sell penis-enlargement-pills or ViARg Ra CHeAp or anything!
She asked me to meet her when I have free time, so tonight I might just get a date! Got one tomorow already with another girl that I realy like, but lets see how things work out.
Wrote her an SMS, still waiting for the answer from that syrian girl!
Back in the game
Montag, 25. Juni 2007
Circus Bar
During my education a few years back, I used to work in the bar of a hostel. The name of the hostel was Circus - and in someway that fit very well.
The first bar of that hostel was small. In fact, it was smaller than the flat I live in right now, and that barely has 50 qm. The first bar was fantastic: a small room at groundlevel, with a tiny bar where we sold beer in bottels and mixed drinks, with two computers and a big TV. There also was a room downstairs, with some old comfortable chairs, and 3 automatic pay-washing-maschines. Pretty much everything you would need for a small hostel. In the morning they served breakfast, during the day everyone came to check their emails, and at night all the foreign tourists came to start the night with a few cheap drinks, maybe meet someone you could go out and party with.
Of course everyone liked the man behind the bar.
I was happy working there, even though it was one of the hardes times in my life. Working 2 nights a week, sometimes 3, next to a fulltime education - you can only do that when you are young. But it did have some benefits. Girls! There where so many girls from all around the world, and they where all eager to have a good time. What more can they ask for than a native guide, good looking (yeah, I was thin back then), friendly, with good english-skills. I don't know how many tours I gave to girls, and with quite some of them, a tour endet at night at my place. It was basicly what they wanted, a nice adventure in a great city, and for me it was just fine. I just came out of a terible relation - and didn't want to slide right back in a new one. I just wanted to have fun, and I did.
So the easyest way to pick up a girl is not to go to a bar, but to work there, because behind a bar you are always two notches cooler than the regular customer.
Of course, if there is a lot of work, you miss out on all the conversation, maybe have to let one girl go with a jerk or something like that, but in the end you get to know a lot of beautyful woman.
The first bar of that hostel was small. In fact, it was smaller than the flat I live in right now, and that barely has 50 qm. The first bar was fantastic: a small room at groundlevel, with a tiny bar where we sold beer in bottels and mixed drinks, with two computers and a big TV. There also was a room downstairs, with some old comfortable chairs, and 3 automatic pay-washing-maschines. Pretty much everything you would need for a small hostel. In the morning they served breakfast, during the day everyone came to check their emails, and at night all the foreign tourists came to start the night with a few cheap drinks, maybe meet someone you could go out and party with.
Of course everyone liked the man behind the bar.
I was happy working there, even though it was one of the hardes times in my life. Working 2 nights a week, sometimes 3, next to a fulltime education - you can only do that when you are young. But it did have some benefits. Girls! There where so many girls from all around the world, and they where all eager to have a good time. What more can they ask for than a native guide, good looking (yeah, I was thin back then), friendly, with good english-skills. I don't know how many tours I gave to girls, and with quite some of them, a tour endet at night at my place. It was basicly what they wanted, a nice adventure in a great city, and for me it was just fine. I just came out of a terible relation - and didn't want to slide right back in a new one. I just wanted to have fun, and I did.
So the easyest way to pick up a girl is not to go to a bar, but to work there, because behind a bar you are always two notches cooler than the regular customer.
Of course, if there is a lot of work, you miss out on all the conversation, maybe have to let one girl go with a jerk or something like that, but in the end you get to know a lot of beautyful woman.
the EX
When you live with the same woman for 5 or 6 years, and when you are faithfull to her, you start thinking that she is the only woman that will ever show interest in you. At least that was what happend to me. I was with a beautiful argentinian girl, she was smart, pretty and my best friend next to my love. But suddenly she talked about children and marriage. Just bevor her 30. birthday, and not like a perspective for the distant future, but like "Now! Or I will leave you".
Well, you gotta know that I have a child already, more of an accident when I was 19, but a great girl that I love very much. But that experience taught me quite some things: If you are poor, you should not get children. If you have trouble in a relationship, a child will not fix these troubles, but increase them. And if you want to study, don't get children.
See, that is the case with me: I made up my mind to start a new carrer. To stop beeing an TV-editor, and study to become a journalist. Wit my 28 years, I will go to the university again, learn again. So I will be poor again, because on my job as an editor I do earn good money. I will try to work as much as possible next to my studies, but I thik that I will barely be able to support myself, not to mention a family with wife and child.
So she broke up with me, telling me that yes, she loves me, and yes I love her, but her wish is to be a young mother, and I made it clear that I don't want children now. So she split with me.
I keept on loving her, calling her every day, and we behaved over the phone like nothing happend, like we where still together. But we where not. I told her that I love her, and she did the same, but always she said that we have to be friends now. And then, one day, she told me not to call her for a month. Not to write, not to communicate in any way with her. So I did. I also made the rule for me not to drink any alkohol during that time, and so I did not touch a drop.
That time was very interesting for me. At first, it hurt like a bitch that I couldn't talk with her. I had lost the person that would put my day into a perspective, and the one I could reflect with. I had done that for more than 5 years, every day. I can not recall a time where we didn't talk for more than 4 or max 5 days, and now, all the sudden, she was gone.
She wanted this "break" from me to sort out her feelings, to see what she wants, and what she will do with her life. But what happend was that I did that. I learnd quite fast that I can reflect with myself, that if you want friends and company, you have to treat them good, and that I can manage without her. And I found out that woman ARE interestet in me. Since I am "solo" now, I seem to be even more interesting, and so fare there are two woman that I flirted with, and both responded very well. I got a date with that syrian girl tonight, and tomorow with the tall german girl, Franziska.
The weird thing is that I don't feel guilty. The weird thing is that even though I talk with my Ex again, I feel like I lost my trust. That with the proposition to either mary and get children, or split, she broke all the trust that I had put in her. And I am not mad at her, just very sad about it. In the last talk we had, she kind of told me that she would be willing to "negotiate" our different wants and needs, but honestly, I don't want anymore. When she played her stronges card, leaving, she probably didn't expect me to say "ok, I still can not do it". Now that she wants to back up from that, I sort of lost my trust in her. It is weird to tell, but it is that way.
So I will go out and have dates, and see what comes out. I feel very much free, and when at first I felst lonly, now I also feel secure JUST ON MY OWN.
Well, you gotta know that I have a child already, more of an accident when I was 19, but a great girl that I love very much. But that experience taught me quite some things: If you are poor, you should not get children. If you have trouble in a relationship, a child will not fix these troubles, but increase them. And if you want to study, don't get children.
See, that is the case with me: I made up my mind to start a new carrer. To stop beeing an TV-editor, and study to become a journalist. Wit my 28 years, I will go to the university again, learn again. So I will be poor again, because on my job as an editor I do earn good money. I will try to work as much as possible next to my studies, but I thik that I will barely be able to support myself, not to mention a family with wife and child.
So she broke up with me, telling me that yes, she loves me, and yes I love her, but her wish is to be a young mother, and I made it clear that I don't want children now. So she split with me.
I keept on loving her, calling her every day, and we behaved over the phone like nothing happend, like we where still together. But we where not. I told her that I love her, and she did the same, but always she said that we have to be friends now. And then, one day, she told me not to call her for a month. Not to write, not to communicate in any way with her. So I did. I also made the rule for me not to drink any alkohol during that time, and so I did not touch a drop.
That time was very interesting for me. At first, it hurt like a bitch that I couldn't talk with her. I had lost the person that would put my day into a perspective, and the one I could reflect with. I had done that for more than 5 years, every day. I can not recall a time where we didn't talk for more than 4 or max 5 days, and now, all the sudden, she was gone.
She wanted this "break" from me to sort out her feelings, to see what she wants, and what she will do with her life. But what happend was that I did that. I learnd quite fast that I can reflect with myself, that if you want friends and company, you have to treat them good, and that I can manage without her. And I found out that woman ARE interestet in me. Since I am "solo" now, I seem to be even more interesting, and so fare there are two woman that I flirted with, and both responded very well. I got a date with that syrian girl tonight, and tomorow with the tall german girl, Franziska.
The weird thing is that I don't feel guilty. The weird thing is that even though I talk with my Ex again, I feel like I lost my trust. That with the proposition to either mary and get children, or split, she broke all the trust that I had put in her. And I am not mad at her, just very sad about it. In the last talk we had, she kind of told me that she would be willing to "negotiate" our different wants and needs, but honestly, I don't want anymore. When she played her stronges card, leaving, she probably didn't expect me to say "ok, I still can not do it". Now that she wants to back up from that, I sort of lost my trust in her. It is weird to tell, but it is that way.
So I will go out and have dates, and see what comes out. I feel very much free, and when at first I felst lonly, now I also feel secure JUST ON MY OWN.
Sonntag, 24. Juni 2007
drinkin beer again
I did a month without alcohol. Just to see if I can do it. Worked, and two days ago I had my first beer again. Then a second and a third. And a fourth and so on. Needed the whole next day to recover. Around 7 I was fine again, so I called a friend and we went out for the next beers. As written in "the girl from Syria". So I got drunk again, and needed the whole day again to get clear. I am ok now, and I won't drink tonight, gotta work tomorow, I can not rest there. But I plan on going to the fusion-festival on thursday, 3 days of electronical musik, beer and girls. What else can a man ask for...........
That girl from Syria
So yesterday I went out.
The streets where filled with people, everyone drinking whine and beer and coctails that look as terible as the headace they produce. Lots of gay couples also, because today was gay pride parade.
Now I went to the Pony-Bar, nice little Bar in the hip quater of Berlin, cheap drinks, good music, the people there maybe a bit to cool, but I could just bear that. So I went there to meet a good friend of mine, and after waiting for each other for more than half an hour (I sat outside, he was inside and had no more batery for the phone), we finaly found the other. Had a beer or two, and a shot of wodka, and after some nice talk went to a club. Now don't ask me how they call that club, but it was in a great location, an old polst-office from 1850 or so. 6 Euros to get in was quite ok, and there we met a friend of ours, that was with a group of arabic people, showing them the nightlife of Berlin. I imediatly noticed a beautyful longhaired girl. She was not tall, but everything on her was firm, beautyful roundet, she moved like she knew her body well.
So I checked her out, first talking with some of my frieds, so I don't seem so desperate.
So we then talked a bit. She is from Syria, from Damaskus, and stays another weeek here in Berlin. Some sort of a journalist-exchange-program, something I would love to do myself.
Well, I asked her a bit about her country, because honestly I dont know anything about Syria. Not that I care that much, but it's a good ice-breakter.
So we talked, then we danced. She was a ok dancer, not the greatest in the world, but honestly, the music sucked quite a bit. So we had another drink, and went dancing again. She danced better, closer, and showed me some affection. At some point we endet on one of the padded walls next to the dancefloor, and danced realy, realy close. Her crouch was on my thigh, and to the rythm of the music she was moving herself. I was moving myself as well, but it seems that it is much easyer for girls to have sex with your cloth on. Well, she wouldnt look at me and would kiss me either, wich was weird, but since her movement was quite direct, I didnt care so much. Well, after some time she either played an orgasm or had one, not that I cared to much. I was hoping to get lucky, maybe I could take her home, get some satisfaction myself.
I didn't. She suddenly told me that she had had to much to drink, feels tired and wants to go home. No I don't need to bring her she told me.
She looked very guilty. Maybe back in Damaskus there was some Syrian guy waiting for her, maybe it is a cultural thing that I don't understand - I do think it is the first, because she wouldn't kiss me.
So that evening was as close as I ever got with a syrian girl, but if they all look as beautyful as her, I shure like to get closer with one oneday.
The streets where filled with people, everyone drinking whine and beer and coctails that look as terible as the headace they produce. Lots of gay couples also, because today was gay pride parade.
Now I went to the Pony-Bar, nice little Bar in the hip quater of Berlin, cheap drinks, good music, the people there maybe a bit to cool, but I could just bear that. So I went there to meet a good friend of mine, and after waiting for each other for more than half an hour (I sat outside, he was inside and had no more batery for the phone), we finaly found the other. Had a beer or two, and a shot of wodka, and after some nice talk went to a club. Now don't ask me how they call that club, but it was in a great location, an old polst-office from 1850 or so. 6 Euros to get in was quite ok, and there we met a friend of ours, that was with a group of arabic people, showing them the nightlife of Berlin. I imediatly noticed a beautyful longhaired girl. She was not tall, but everything on her was firm, beautyful roundet, she moved like she knew her body well.
So I checked her out, first talking with some of my frieds, so I don't seem so desperate.
So we then talked a bit. She is from Syria, from Damaskus, and stays another weeek here in Berlin. Some sort of a journalist-exchange-program, something I would love to do myself.
Well, I asked her a bit about her country, because honestly I dont know anything about Syria. Not that I care that much, but it's a good ice-breakter.
So we talked, then we danced. She was a ok dancer, not the greatest in the world, but honestly, the music sucked quite a bit. So we had another drink, and went dancing again. She danced better, closer, and showed me some affection. At some point we endet on one of the padded walls next to the dancefloor, and danced realy, realy close. Her crouch was on my thigh, and to the rythm of the music she was moving herself. I was moving myself as well, but it seems that it is much easyer for girls to have sex with your cloth on. Well, she wouldnt look at me and would kiss me either, wich was weird, but since her movement was quite direct, I didnt care so much. Well, after some time she either played an orgasm or had one, not that I cared to much. I was hoping to get lucky, maybe I could take her home, get some satisfaction myself.
I didn't. She suddenly told me that she had had to much to drink, feels tired and wants to go home. No I don't need to bring her she told me.
She looked very guilty. Maybe back in Damaskus there was some Syrian guy waiting for her, maybe it is a cultural thing that I don't understand - I do think it is the first, because she wouldn't kiss me.
So that evening was as close as I ever got with a syrian girl, but if they all look as beautyful as her, I shure like to get closer with one oneday.
Introduction
Hey everyone
This is my new blog, the one that differs quite a bit from my old one. The old one is im my native language, in german, it has a photo of me, and my brother and my ex both have the adress.
Now it is nice when you got some people reading your stuff, but sometimes it gets a little compromising when it is family.
So this here is my secret littel DirtyOldBlog, where I will put as much detail as I want about who I want.
My english got a litte rusty, and my spelling sucks, so I apologize for that once. For the rest of the blog you wiill jsut have to live with it.
This is my new blog, the one that differs quite a bit from my old one. The old one is im my native language, in german, it has a photo of me, and my brother and my ex both have the adress.
Now it is nice when you got some people reading your stuff, but sometimes it gets a little compromising when it is family.
So this here is my secret littel DirtyOldBlog, where I will put as much detail as I want about who I want.
My english got a litte rusty, and my spelling sucks, so I apologize for that once. For the rest of the blog you wiill jsut have to live with it.
Abonnieren
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